One response I often receive when I tell others that I homeschool is, “I could never do that, my kids don’t listen to me.” Hello? My kids are not perfect. They do not always listen to me either. We are a far cry from the the peaceful homeschooling family I’ve only seen in homeschool catalogs and other moms' blogs. We are just your average family with average kids. My kids fight with each other, they do things they’re not supposed to, they get into trouble. They don’t always obey me. Yet, I still homeschool. Yes, my husband and I have had to work very hard to handle discipline issues in order to have a smoothly run homeschool, and save my sanity in the process. I also pray ALOT!
This week’s TOS Blog Cruise Question is “How do I homeschool if my child won’t obey me?”
First, let me say that homeschooling is not for everyone. But, if you want to homeschool, and there’s discipline issues, then obviously that needs to be addressed first. I certainly can attest to that. Kids will be kids. Trust me, I don’t have all the answers, but I can tell you what works for us at our house…
Whenever we’ve had an issue with discipline, especially during school time, I will stop whatever we are doing to address the problem. I cannot teach my kids math, reading, or any other subject if they won’t listen to me, or respect me. We will accomplish nothing. We’ll both end up frustrated, and stressed out. I will always stop what we are doing, immediately, and remind the unruly child of my responsibility to educate them, as well as their responsibility to learn in order to be a productive member of society some day. If they are not in a traditional school setting, then they must learn at home. It’s the law. If they don’t know what I expect of them, then I ask my children to give me the same respect that they give to another adult that teaches them, and give them an example, such as their Sunday School teacher or baseball coach. My kids would never dream of giving one of those adults a hard time. Thank the Lord they are like little angels for other adults. Giving them an example of what I expect of their behavior helps a lot, because, believe me, kids can and will try to get away with whatever they can with mom/teacher. At least mine will.
I would much rather motivate my children to behave than punish them after the fact. I have a rule and routine that is followed daily. It never changes, and they are used to it now, so there’s no need to remind them constantly. First school, then chores, then free time. My children know that if they complete their schoolwork and chores in a timely manner, then their free time is theirs to do what they choose. If they spend their school day misbehaving and not doing their schoolwork like they should, then they’re only cutting into their own free time. I have all day, and I am not going to fight with them, or teach them until they are listening and respectful of me. School doesn’t end for the day until we’ve completed all of the required work. They know and understand this concept very well, and it has become an excellent motivator for my kids.
Something else that has helped with obedience is to give my kids my full attention. As a homeschool mom, who is also running a household, sometimes it is difficult to not get distracted by the laundry, the bathroom that needs to be cleaned, that blog post that needs to be written, or that phone call that needs to be made. But, doing those things while my children are doing school, can often lead to misbehavior. They learn much better if I am nearby and available. Even if I am folding that basket of laundry, I will try to at least be close enough to listen, to help, to answer questions, or whatever they need. I do not get on the phone during school time. The only phone calls I will take are from my husband. I have voicemail, and if it’s important, they will leave a message. Have you ever gotten on the phone and watched your kids get into anything and everything while you obliviously carried on a conversation? That is exactly what happens if my kids are doing their schoolwork and I take a phone call. I may as well have left them in the house all alone. They will for sure, no doubt in my mind, take advantage of the fact that I am distracted by another. So, in other words, if I make their homeschool time a priority, then they will too. I am setting the example for them by my own actions. We can all do our chores together later after school is finished for the day, and I can return phone calls while they are having their free time.
If motivating my kids isn’t enough to encourage good behavior, then there must be consequences for their actions. It’s no fun to punish my kids, for me or for them. No one really wants to lose their TV time, computer time, playtime, phone, or whatever it may be. However, if disobedience is an issue, consequences will occur. My kids know this, and thankfully, often do their best not to lose their privileges. I am also thankful for the support of my husband who will back me up on obedience issues and rules that I set in place. It sure helps to have a united front when it comes to raising children, whether you homeschool or not!
Homeschooling is a commitment on both of our parts, and in order to continue successfully, my children need to listen, and I need to be ready to handle any discipline issues that come along. Come to think of it, I really couldn’t “do that” - homeschool - if my kids couldn’t obey me and respect me to begin with. But, if I can’t even get my own kids to listen to me, homeschooled or not, I’ve got even bigger problems than I thought!
How about you? What works in your homeschool to ensure your kids obey you? Please leave a comment!
Be sure to stop by the TOS Blog Cruise page by clicking the button at the top of this post to read my crewmates’ answers to this week’s question, and stay tuned next week when we answer the question, “Do you school during the summer? What do you do? Why or why not?”
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